Thursday, August 7, 2014

introvert..?



Been doing a lot of soul searching lately this year and I've discovered so many truths (both the good and ugly) about myself. And there is one particular thing which I consider it as an EXTREMELY big deal and which I believe would have caught my friends just as I've caught myself by surprise is that I am actually... an introvert.

Now why so random, you may ask. Well, it all started when I went for a job interview (which I ended up not getting the job) many months back. I've always genuinely thought that I was an extrovert, probably because I wanted to be one and I was one of the most chatty person in my groups of friends. I've always wanted to be an extrovert because extroverted people seem to always have it easy- they get along well with almost everyone and they fit in groups really easily. But after only 19 years of my life I discovered that what I thought I was, did not turn out to be true. I realised I haven't been true to myself.

At the interview, the question "Are you an introvert or extrovert? Explain." was posed to me, and I answered: "I believe I am an extrovert but it'll take a long time for me to get comfortable with a person before I start being talkative". I elaborated a little bit more before the interviewer helped me to see the bigger picture of myself. I had always thought that the fact that I'm chatty would equate to extroversy, but I failed to take into account that if I were given a choice, I would choose not to take the initiative to make human interaction with people I'm not comfortable with. The thing about extroverts is that they're perfectly fine and cool with talking to anyone and everyone. But I'm not like that.

The interviewer said "The fact that you had to conform to situation's needs to get you to start talking shows that you're an introvert. You're an introvert that opens up only to familiar people, in familiar places and familiar environment". This point in time was like a moment of glorious revelation to me. It felt like as though a strong beam of light was finally shed on this hidden side of me that I never knew existed, because of the facade I've painstakingly built to reflect my ideal self- an extrovert. Everything started to make sense then, especially of my natural responses to human interaction. An overwhelming sense of astonishment hit me and I was caught in major disbelief after knowing that I could actually overlook this side of me for the whole of my entire life. I haven't had any worse blind spot in my life than this! Not especially when I am known to be really noisy and talkative among my group of friends whom I'm close to. I have ever tried telling my friends about this new discovery and their immediate reaction were "Who are you trying to kid?" or "yea right" kinda responses. It took me REALLLLLY long while to convince them that an introvert is who I really am.

Anyway, my false and clouded view was stripped away thanks to such a divine opportunity to help me discover who I really am and I cannot be anymore thankful. I'm starting to embrace my real self and live not by my ideal standards, but by my real standards :)

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

the grass is always greener on the other side

IMG_3670-2 IMG_3707-2 IMG_3697-2 IMG_3665-2 IMG_3676-2

it's been more than two weeks since i last wrote an entry on this space and honestly it felt more like two months than weeks -_- TIME Y U PASS SO SLOW??? it's (almost) my third week here ever since I started working full time for the first time, and it's my first time working in a bank as well.

ever since I started working I realised I have a tendency to trap myself in discontentment and in a cycle I name as the "green cycle". I'd always find myself complaining in the company I'm in, then when I've moved on to the next company, I'd find myself picking on all the bad things about this new company and starting to appreciate the previous company even more, all because the grass is always greener on the other side. this proves to be a cycle because this has happened to me when I moved across 3 companies already, and it started since my internship days.

if you're a reader and you're seasoned in the workforce already, is it normal that I feel this way? and any advice on how to cope or eliminate this "greener" mentality? and if you're fresh in the workforce just as I am, is it just me or do you feel the same way too?

Monday, July 7, 2014

Segamat | Jementah

Segamat

The extent of my awe remains constant everytime time I reminisce of how I was privileged to witness the amazing work that He has done during my first mission trip to Segamat & Jementah in March 2014. This has been one of the key spiritual milestone in my life that kept me holding on to my faith till date even when the violent tossing of the waves is causing everything else to dwindle down into the turmoil of the unknown. It has been a rough season not because anything tragic happened, but because I get to fully experience what it is like to be carried in the Potter's arms of Love on the road to purity- the journey to be refined as gold.