Saturday, January 24, 2015

maze



Sometimes I'd like to think of my heart as a maze. There are many points of entry but only one will lead you to the surreptitious pocket of the heart where it conceals the deepest, darkest and restricted secrets. The walls that lined each and every path were the thickest I've seen yet. The walls were made up of my insecurities, failures, hurt, disappointment swelled from the past. Till date, I'm still amazed by how this pair of hands that I own was able to build something that's almost indestructible. These paths, that all led to a dead end except for one, are what makes my heart complex. I shut everyone out sometimes, and I'm sorry if you tried searching for that one very path and gave up along the way. You should give up, because I would too, if I were you.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Wrapped around

You held my heart captive
took possession of my body
whispered sweet nothings into my ears
then suddenly bending me
till I broke
losing my form
and my control

It took you only a finger
before I woke up to find myself
lost in melancholy
drowned in my immense love for you
and twisted around your finger

#poems

Monday, January 19, 2015

It's killing me

Just as the title says, it's killing me. The wait is killing me. so. slowly.

I never understood how my peers felt when they were applying for universities and stuff last year, until now and boy, this phase in life sucks so bad!!! It's been 4 weeks since I applied for the new full time HR course that Unisim just launched a month ago and I've not received any call/email from them yet. I've been living in a constant fear that grips me so tightly that I find it hard to function properly. (Don't worry I'm taking this learning process of how to manage it well.)

The fear of uncertainty, they call it.


Sorry random photo of a mini cupcake since I was talking abpout HR so this was a gift from one of the regional HR lady which I really really admired and am inspired by(she was young, competent and absolutely humble) when I was working at Aon to appreciate us (the local HR dept) for working so closely and patiently with them when we had a data migration project to pull through.


The main reason why I took a gap year is because there were no full time HR courses around and now, Unisim is the first university in Singapore to have it. It felt like as though God has led me on this path for take a gap year just for this. I don't know. I don't want to sound like a cheesy ass but sometimes it felt like as though I was made for this. For the past few months I've been researching. A lot. Career paths, requirements to be a specialist, etc. You name it. All because experience is the only thing I can count on to get a HR job after graduating with a super generic and useless degree (which I intended to attain before taking a gap year). How can this course not mean so so so so much to me?

I have every reason to believe that I stand a chance. Relevant HR modules in poly? Check. Relevant work experience? Check. Passion and interest for HR? Check. Most importantly, any intention to work in the HR industry? Ultimate check. BUT my heart dropped after reading that they're only accepting 40 students this year because my GPA was as bad as the stench of a hippo's defecation. I don't feel as hopeful anymore. And if you're thinking maybe I should apply for next year's intake where Unisim will be increasing their intake, NO. I can't afford to wait another year for the next intake because this course takes 4 long years to complete and my family needs me to support them financially. So I don't wanna get my hopes too high, and I'm really praying that I won't end up having to take a path that I never wanted to because I had no choice. Argh kids, remember to study hard. You wouldn't wanna end up in my plight and the only way to do so is to get good grades. Gah.