Thursday, May 28, 2015

Love?



I exist because of love.
I was born, and loved.

I grew up, loved but felt unloved.
I learned more of myself that I could not accept,
But I wanted so badly to love myself.
So I denied everything-
It was my only coping mechanism and way to love myself

Soon the facade couldn't hold any longer.
Pretense gave way, shame crept in.
People still loved me, and I loved them too.
But I couldn't love myself, so I couldn't let them to, too.

Then, should it be considered timely to learn now that God is love?

So I chased persistently, all for love
To be loved, and to feel loved again
But all I am now is engulfed by this massive wave of fatigue,
In attempt to force my fantasy into reality.

Now here I am again, where I was before.
Still pushing love away,
When all I'm hungry for is love.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Secrets



All I ever wished for was to keep my existence as a secret.
Then I'd no longer have to hide all that nobody should ever know about me.

Monday, May 18, 2015

Mess

I'm only a mess of regrets.
A muddle of insecurities. 
I hate my body. I hate my face.

I wish I did, I wish I didn't.
If only I did, if only I didn't.
I am complex. I am complicated.

Sometimes I can't even understand myself
I think I might be driving myself crazy.