Sunday, August 31, 2014

Space

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Have you ever had days where you'd just wanna stay away from your phone, to avoid all forms of human interaction?

Well, that's me ever since I started working. I've had MANY of my friends complain that I am always taking so long to reply whatsapp messages, or worse still, not replying at all, etc etc etc. Many of them thought that the problem was that I don't check my phone frequently enough but that is not the truth. Truth is, while the messages come in as I scroll through Instagram/ Twitter/ Facebook/ Chrome (that is usually most of the time), I'd swipe the message notification away so that I can enjoy browsing anything else but just not my messages.

It isn't because I don't like my friends- i love each and everyone of them, but I really needed time alone especially after a long day at work. I needed the time to recharge. As much as I enjoy spending time and interacting with people, the fact of the matter is that it drains me and sadly, not everyone understands that. There's always tension between expectation from others and our own's, and managing this tension can be really taxing but hey, every challenge can be an opportunity for me to learn and grow. It's all about our perception- IT'S ALL IN THE MIND!

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

August

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Howdy.

August's been a crazy month, and a few of the greatest highlights are me turning 20 and forging a new friendship across the globe with someone I've never met before. It wasn't just crazy, it was mind-blowing. It was August that made me realise that things don't simply matter anymore- it is now the simple things that do. It was August that taught me to treasure the ones that matter, and filter out those who don't out of my life.

And it was August that got me moving out of my ruins, to the great unknown where my feet may fail.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

introvert..?



Been doing a lot of soul searching lately this year and I've discovered so many truths (both the good and ugly) about myself. And there is one particular thing which I consider it as an EXTREMELY big deal and which I believe would have caught my friends just as I've caught myself by surprise is that I am actually... an introvert.

Now why so random, you may ask. Well, it all started when I went for a job interview (which I ended up not getting the job) many months back. I've always genuinely thought that I was an extrovert, probably because I wanted to be one and I was one of the most chatty person in my groups of friends. I've always wanted to be an extrovert because extroverted people seem to always have it easy- they get along well with almost everyone and they fit in groups really easily. But after only 19 years of my life I discovered that what I thought I was, did not turn out to be true. I realised I haven't been true to myself.

At the interview, the question "Are you an introvert or extrovert? Explain." was posed to me, and I answered: "I believe I am an extrovert but it'll take a long time for me to get comfortable with a person before I start being talkative". I elaborated a little bit more before the interviewer helped me to see the bigger picture of myself. I had always thought that the fact that I'm chatty would equate to extroversy, but I failed to take into account that if I were given a choice, I would choose not to take the initiative to make human interaction with people I'm not comfortable with. The thing about extroverts is that they're perfectly fine and cool with talking to anyone and everyone. But I'm not like that.

The interviewer said "The fact that you had to conform to situation's needs to get you to start talking shows that you're an introvert. You're an introvert that opens up only to familiar people, in familiar places and familiar environment". This point in time was like a moment of glorious revelation to me. It felt like as though a strong beam of light was finally shed on this hidden side of me that I never knew existed, because of the facade I've painstakingly built to reflect my ideal self- an extrovert. Everything started to make sense then, especially of my natural responses to human interaction. An overwhelming sense of astonishment hit me and I was caught in major disbelief after knowing that I could actually overlook this side of me for the whole of my entire life. I haven't had any worse blind spot in my life than this! Not especially when I am known to be really noisy and talkative among my group of friends whom I'm close to. I have ever tried telling my friends about this new discovery and their immediate reaction were "Who are you trying to kid?" or "yea right" kinda responses. It took me REALLLLLY long while to convince them that an introvert is who I really am.

Anyway, my false and clouded view was stripped away thanks to such a divine opportunity to help me discover who I really am and I cannot be anymore thankful. I'm starting to embrace my real self and live not by my ideal standards, but by my real standards :)